I remember when I first really learned about sex. Sex was thought of something off-limits, but could produce an extreme amount of pleasure; clearly I became addicted to learning and talking about it. Things have not changed very much, except for the fact that I now have sex and am addicted.
I am not ashamed to talk about my sex life or anyone else’s for that matter. I find hearing about other people’s experiences and explorations fascinating. It never crossed my mind that someone may not like to talk about sex or explore their fantasies. After chatting with a fellow sex connoisseur, I realized no matter how hard you try; some people are just boring in bed.
Let me get this straight. Sex will give you pleasure and exploring your fantasies with threesomes, toys, role playing and whatever else you can think of will make it that much better and some still are boring in bed? I have not figured out if it is something associated to someone’s childhood that painted sex as the devil’s act until you are married or if it has to do with personal insecurities.
I can understand that someone who is inexperienced would be somewhat inhibited and not willing to venture outside the box. That leaves a lot of people who fit in the category of “I have sex, but don’t really please my partner and don’t really care anyway.” My first question, is why? Why don’t you care about having the most powerful orgasm of your life? Why don’t you care about your partner’s fantasies that will make you closer sexually and emotionally?
From my experience, there is always one person in a relationship that pushes the sexual envelope. As I’m sure you guessed, in my relationship it is me. If your partner isn’t willing to share fantasies and let their wall down during sex it could possibly be the end of your relationship or marriage. Here are some things to consider for people with a boring sex life:
- The partner unwilling to follow your sexual lead in the bedroom is clearly uncomfortable. Take note of the reason they are uncomfortable and make them feel more at ease during sex.
- Most people won’t change unless they want to. This is true in any aspect of a person’s life including their sex life. If your wife or girlfriend doesn’t want to live out your sexual fantasies in the bedroom now, she most likely won’t in the future.
- Make sure your levels of kinkiness are established before you take the plunge of wedding vows. If your partner is boring now, there is a chance for progression throughout your relationship, but don’t expect miracles. The key is to find out they are happy in their current sex life and don’t have motivation to explore now versus after you are legal bound.
Having boring sex is something that is difficult for me to wrap my mind around, but I know it does happen. Some people argue with me about this point, but if your partner does not meet your sexual needs, they will most likely find what they are looking for elsewhere. If you are not on the same sexual level it may be time to shape up or ship out.
How do you fix a boring sex life?
Read more by Emmalee here
Spot on! Every point! Can I just say that had I received this advice, my 30′s would have been a much happier time (in bed) and I would not be divorcing?
While she was the one with the drive, I was the one with the kink. Worked smashingly at first, but once you like kink and variety, you can’t go back. Kink for someone more conventional is usually a novelty, and they rebound back a bit to a comfort zone. Sex with her became boring and unprogressive, then naturally less frequent, because we were no longer attractive in bed, our hearts weren’t in it anymore. Eventually, splitsville, because I couldn’t get what I wanted to be happy, and she didn’t feel like she could measure up anymore – both crisis of personal happiness. We had agreed early on, for her, that we would not have an open marriage. I was not as in-tune with myself then, and she was sticking to her decision, so the outcome was matter of fact.
Great article!