Monogamy isn’t for everyone. In fact, in this generation is more accepting of polygamist-type or open relationships than before. There is polygamy, polyamory, threesomes, open marriages, polygny, swinging, wife swapping and even trinogamy. Social factors play a large role in the monogamous creatures we have become. Is monogamy a way of the past? This topic lit my thoughts on fire after I read this incredible article.
Christopher Ryan is a psychologist, teacher and author that made some excellent points in his contribution to CNN.com with this article. He shares the original ways the human cultures worked and how sharing everything from land, children and women were not an issue. Now, women have become a possession similar to owning property. “With agriculture, the human female went from occupying a central, respected role to being just another possession for men to accumulate and defend, along with his house, slaves and asses,” said Ryan.
This got me thinking: if humans have evolved to be monogamous, can’t we evolve back to our roots and share freely? Think back to a time where you were in a committed relationship, but you had a crush or were attracted to someone else physically or emotionally. Why didn’t you act upon your desire? The feelings of regret and pangs of guilt were too much to bear, right?
Some people are willing to make the leap and fulfill their craving; what is socially known as “cheating.” Is it so wrong to allow your partner to engage in an act that satisfies them knowing they will still come back to you? The argument is: how can you guarantee that he/she won’t leave me for that other person? I can understand this perspective. While there are no guarantees that your partner won’t leave you, wouldn’t you be willing to take the chance to allow them the freedom to try something openly and honestly versus going behind your back? Or better yet, explore something you crave yourself?
Now the argument to that statement is: “so you’re saying your partner is going to cheat no matter what, so I might as well give them permission?” My answer is no, not everyone has the desire to be with another. There are just as many non-sexual people out there as there are sexual people, so this is not a concern for everyone. Ryan’s article just further confirmed my original point that humans were not meant to be monogamous, hence the appearance of open relationships and frequency of cheating.
I think society has created the concept of cheating and it makes people terrified in their own relationships. The lines between what is and is not cheating are so blurry that many could be cheating in their partner’s mind and not know it. Is emotional cheating worse than physical cheating? Is fantasizing about another during sex cheating? Or is watching porn or talking about sex with another cheating? See what I mean about the gray area?
If the social instilled feelings of regret and guilt did not play a factor, do you think people could have an open relationship that is trusting and safe?
Read more by Red Head Emm here
“Ryan’s article just further confirmed my original point that humans were not meant to be monogamous, hence the appearance of open relationships and frequency of cheating.”
I think Ryan overlooks some important sociological factors in basing his argument. Ryan’s article just explains a different social construct for a period in time when sharing was the way of life. Every period throughout history will have different norms and roles for people to behave within, but that doesn’t make the beginning of time the natural way. To me, natural would refer to things that occur subconsciously such as babies breastfeeding. Wouldn’t the actions of being in an open relationship and cheating be a conscious intrepretation of the given situation by an individual?
But with that said, great article Emm. Like usual, your article does raise a lot of questions that people should ponder and talk about.
I don’t know if we can go back, Emm, but you raise another question – should we? Genetically, humans would be stronger and hardier as a species. I read an article in LIFE magazine fifteen or twenty years ago about sperm. It claimed that 2/3 of a man’s sperm was “warrior” sperm meant to fight off and kill other men’s sperm. Also that the purpose of the ridge on the head of a man’s penis was to “scrape” other men’s sperm out of a woman’s womb. A man with a larger cockhead and a very pronounced ridge would be more likely to father a child of a woman who had sex with several suitors. It could be that the same genes produced the ‘jealously” emotions and led to monogamy.
Personally, I’d rather go “back”, lol.
Cheers,
~Danno