Alcohol has the tendency to give people confidence and make an awkward situation more comfortable. There is a fine line that is easily jumped between relaxed mode and over-confident mode. With this feeling of fearlessness come bad decisions which lead to the consequences I mentioned earlier.

The first consequence and most common is you end up sleeping with someone you had no intention of before you starting drinking. This usually is considered a one-night stand. While there isn’t anything wrong with getting some great sex, the act usually turns out sloppy and unsatisfying in your drunken stupor in the end.

The second consequence is waking up the morning after. If you are lucky enough to slide out of bed while they sleep off their hangover without waking them, you won’t endure the severe awkwardness of the situation. Think about it, you wake up at someone else’s house having shared the most intimate parts of yourself with them and you don’t even know their last name. The added bonus usually is they don’t look as “smokin’ hot” without the beer goggles on.

The third consequence usually is directed toward students or if you sleep with someone within your social circle: humiliation. Now your friends and people you don’t even know or like, know. This embarrassment alone should persuade you to turn off your phone next time.

The fourth consequence is saying things you don’t mean. For example, telling the girl that has it bad for you that you too are into her (when you really are not), can and will result in consequences. However, the repercussions of these actions could last days or even weeks if you let your drunken fingers do the talking.

The final and last consequence of drunk dialing and texting is opening up closed doors. I always recommend as a process of moving on to delete your ex’s phone number. If that number is in your phone, you will be tempted to text or call your ex and sound outrageously stupid. You or someone you know has been in this scenario. If you see a friend falling down this road during a night out, it is your duty as a friend to intervene. I know, at that moment there is nothing more you want to do than call or text your ex and tell them how you feel. Bad idea. You will wake up the next morning and see the damage and have to open the door.

The only two benefits I see from drunk dialing is you do get laid (even if it is terrible) and you may get to sleep with someone way out of your league. My recommendation is when you get the urge to dial, turn OFF your phone and have another drink instead.

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Christopher Ryan is a psychologist, teacher and author that made some excellent points in his contribution to CNN.com with this article. He shares the original ways the human cultures worked and how sharing everything from land, children and women were not an issue. Now, women have become a possession similar to owning property. “With agriculture, the human female went from occupying a central, respected role to being just another possession for men to accumulate and defend, along with his house, slaves and asses,” said Ryan.

This got me thinking: if humans have evolved to be monogamous, can’t we evolve back to our roots and share freely? Think back to a time where you were in a committed relationship, but you had a crush or were attracted to someone else physically or emotionally. Why didn’t you act upon your desire? The feelings of regret and pangs of guilt were too much to bear, right?

Some people are willing to make the leap and fulfill their craving; what is socially known as “cheating.” Is it so wrong to allow your partner to engage in an act that satisfies them knowing they will still come back to you? The argument is: how can you guarantee that he/she won’t leave me for that other person? I can understand this perspective. While there are no guarantees that your partner won’t leave you, wouldn’t you be willing to take the chance to allow them the freedom to try something openly and honestly versus going behind your back? Or better yet, explore something you crave yourself?

Now the argument to that statement is: “so you’re saying your partner is going to cheat no matter what, so I might as well give them permission?” My answer is no, not everyone has the desire to be with another. There are just as many non-sexual people out there as there are sexual people, so this is not a concern for everyone. Ryan’s article just further confirmed my original point that humans were not meant to be monogamous, hence the appearance of open relationships and frequency of cheating.

I think society has created the concept of cheating and it makes people terrified in their own relationships. The lines between what is and is not cheating are so blurry that many could be cheating in their partner’s mind and not know it. Is emotional cheating worse than physical cheating? Is fantasizing about another during sex cheating? Or is watching porn or talking about sex with another cheating? See what I mean about the gray area?

If the social instilled feelings of regret and guilt did not play a factor, do you think people could have an open relationship that is trusting and safe?

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After watching my guilty pleasure T.V. show Holly’s World, starring former Playboy playmate Holly Madison, about her barely 21-year-old friend wanting breast implants it got me thinking about what men prefer on a woman: fake or real?

Holly’s friend did made a good point: breasts make a woman feel, well…like a woman. Men: try to imagine having your balls completely chopped off rather than a vasectomy as a comparison; wouldn’t feel much like a man, right? If a woman has a flat chest, most likely she knows it. I am pretty satisfied with my set, but wouldn’t mind if they grew a cup size. The more porn I watch, the more fake sets I see and I can’t help but think, is it really worth it?

Reality television has made a fortune on women who are not satisfied with their bodies and the more I see how it can supposedly “help my self esteem,” the more I realize she may not need implants, but a trip to the shrink. Just because you had the money for them or you think you will look more proportionate with your body does not mean they will look good. There are exceptions to every assumption, for example, a woman who had a mastectomy or breast feeding made them droop below her waist qualifies for some reconstruction surgery.

Men seem to support my assumption that real breasts are by far preferred over fake. After I conducted a poll of 50 men, the results were clear: 0 preferred a fake set, 73 percent preferred real and 27 percent had no preference. “The female body is beautiful and shouldn’t be altered. I’d rather she not have boobs as hard as a speed bag, but more like bread dough,” said a male poll voter. Now I would like you to weigh in. I’ve created an anonymous poll for you to vote on which set you prefer.

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If women have a few extra stray hairs in a visible area, men run for the hills. What about men? Men can go for days or even weeks without shaving their face and no one blinks an eye. If he doesn’t trim his armpit hair for months and it creeps its way out so everyone can see he’s truly a man, no one comments.

This is announcement that women everywhere will not tolerate unkempt body hair on men any longer. After some in-depth research I have found something positive: men are curious as to how women prefer a man’s body hair. Given their concern I have taken it upon myself to inquire how women would like to see his body hair.

Starting at the top, a man’s face is the first thing she will see. Now, if you have a body like Mark Wahlberg or LL Cool J, the face may come second, but it still counts. A small percentage of women may prefer a beard, but the consensus is clean shaven or the 5-o-clock shadow at most. If you plan on waiting a day or two to shave make sure it is cut even and clean. This small move could make you look like you drank way too much last night—or you’re ready to have a good night tonight.

Next up is chest hair. Full disclosure: I am not a fan of burly, hairy-chested men. Older women seem to prefer more chest hair than the 20-somethings. If you are graced with an abundance of chest hair keep it trimmed. Shaving, or as some refer to as Bic-ing, your chest is a no-no. The stubble is a sign to her that you are trying too hard and may have some self-confidence issues. For the perfect chest hair please refer to Hugh Jackman in Australia or Wolverine.

Moving down the body to the stomach, happy trail and pubic area. I have grouped them together for a reason: if she can see your stomach hair, she has a pretty good idea of what is going on below the belt. I recommend keeping your stomach and happy trail very trimmed, don’t try to cover up the beer belly with another layer of hair. Women are in agreement that back and ass hair have no place on a man no matter how good looking.

Now for the finale: pubic hair. Think about her position during oral sex, her face is about four to six inches away from your body; do you think she wants to inhale a mouthful of hair? Let me tell you that answer is NO; keep the bush trimmed. A completely shaven pubic area makes a man, who doesn’t have a six pack, look like a little boy. I believe there are attachments to beard trimmers that cut close enough to keep it well-kept, but not shaved to the skin.

I know life can get in the way and the last thing on your mind is your overgrown body hair. If you have more body hair than most men you may need to spend some extra time in the shower. Keeping a regular routine of body hair grooming will help to avoid any awkward mid-sex realizations that you haven’t touched it in over a month.  A rule of thumb for your body hair: if you can run your fingers or a comb through it, it is too long. Men: if you expect her to take care of her situation, I suggest you do the same.

Do you agree to these grooming standards for men? What is your preference on his body hair?

Disclosure statement: stereotypes apply to a select group of people in every culture. For example, not all men love sports. While it is common to find men on the couch during football season, not all men enjoy it.  Bruce and I intend to hash out a few assumptions made by straight men about gay men.

The topic tickled my fancy when I realized a lot of the straight men around me were so worried about gay men hitting on them. The first stereotype: just because a man is gay means he will hit on you or want to sleep with you even though you’re straight. Bruce claims this rumor as completely false. “Don’t flatter yourself. You probably aren’t as hot as you think,” said Bruce. Just because he may prefer to have sex with men does not mean he is interested in having sex with you, simply because you have a penis. The same rule applies with straight people: just because you have a penis clearly does not mean she wants to sleep with you. Keep your homophobic thoughts to yourself and maybe realize that you are not attractive to everyone.

The next assumption is specific to the locker room situation. Straight men need not fear if a gay man is in the same locker room. “Gay men aren’t staring at your dick. I am much more focused on my appearance than your penis,” said Bruce. In my experience, I have always found that straight men are always concerned with the size of their penis, especially around other men. Bruce said, “Your straight buddy is most likely the one checking out your situation rather than the gay guy.”

The last assumption is straight men believe gay men are all flamboyant, have feminine mannerisms and talk a certain way. My question to you: have you looked back through your high school yearbook and found that at least one of the macho men you knew is gay? What about the uber-masculine guy at the gym? The point is, not all gay men act feminine and are “obviously” gay. Your buddy wearing the collared shirt, drinking a beer and watching the game may be the gay-guy next door.

Now, let’s say you are faced with a situation involving gay men in public. Bruce advises straight men to not panic and relax. “When I go to a bar, I assume everyone is straight until proven otherwise,” he Bruce. If a gay man strikes up a conversation you have two options: drop subtle hints, “My girlfriend and I… or isn’t that girl hot” usually gets the point across. Your other option is to say, “I’m straight.” Normally, gay men will back off and realize you are not interested. Straight men usually raise their voice and declare that they are straight. “No need to flip out. There is no need for violence, ‘No’ works just fine. It is obvious that the straight male is scared and has to shout his sexuality from the rooftop,” said Bruce.

If you are not completely convinced it is OK as a straight male to interact with a gay male consider this: straight women flock to gay men because they know they won’t get hit on. “Gay men are your best resource and have female friends. We also know how to appeal to women. In my experience, women would almost prefer to date a man who is OK with gay men because it exudes confidence and not insecurity,” said Bruce. Instead of fearing the gays straight men should embrace them, especially if they want an easy in to meet beautiful women.

In the end it all comes down to confidence and comfort. It is obvious if you are uncomfortable with yourself and have low self confidence when you have to proclaim everyone, including the gay guy. My boyfriend met his first gay friend when we studied abroad together in college. While the gay male occasionally made a comment toward him and talked about sex often, my boyfriend took it all in stride. He is confident in the fact that he would be taking me home that night and realized there was no need to impose his masculinity upon everyone. Trust me, his confidence was a huge turn-on.

Being confident and acceptable of people around you, including gay men, make you appear even sexier to that gorgeous blonde you have been trying to talk to. So now I ask, why not drop your complex and party with the gays? You actually may end up taking the blonde home that night.

Do you think straight men have confidence issues when it comes to gay men?

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I am not ashamed to talk about my sex life or anyone else’s for that matter. I find hearing about other people’s experiences and explorations fascinating. It never crossed my mind that someone may not like to talk about sex or explore their fantasies. After chatting with a fellow sex connoisseur, I realized no matter how hard you try; some people are just boring in bed.

Let me get this straight. Sex will give you pleasure and exploring your fantasies with threesomes, toys, role playing and whatever else you can think of will make it that much better and some still are boring in bed? I have not figured out if it is something associated to someone’s childhood that painted sex as the devil’s act until you are married or if it has to do with personal insecurities.

I can understand that someone who is inexperienced would be somewhat inhibited and not willing to venture outside the box. That leaves a lot of people who fit in the category of “I have sex, but don’t really please my partner and don’t really care anyway.” My first question, is why? Why don’t you care about having the most powerful orgasm of your life? Why don’t you care about your partner’s fantasies that will make you closer sexually and emotionally?

From my experience, there is always one person in a relationship that pushes the sexual envelope. As I’m sure you guessed, in my relationship it is me. If your partner isn’t willing to share fantasies and let their wall down during sex it could possibly be the end of your relationship or marriage. Here are some things to consider for people with a boring sex life:

1. The partner unwilling to follow your sexual lead in the bedroom is clearly uncomfortable. Take note of the reason they are uncomfortable and make them feel more at ease during sex.
2. Most people won’t change unless they want to. This is true in any aspect of a person’s life including their sex life. If your wife or girlfriend doesn’t want to live out your sexual fantasies in the bedroom now, she most likely won’t in the future.
3. Make sure your levels of kinkiness are established before you take the plunge of wedding vows. If your partner is boring now, there is a chance for progression throughout your relationship, but don’t expect miracles. The key is to find out they are happy in their current sex life and don’t have motivation to explore now versus after you are legal bound.

Having boring sex is something that is difficult for me to wrap my mind around, but I know it does happen. Some people argue with me about this point, but if your partner does not meet your sexual needs, they will most likely find what they are looking for elsewhere. If you are not on the same sexual level it may be time to shape up or ship out.

How do you fix a boring sex life?

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A friend recently wrote to me that she noticed many of her friends who have been married for five to 10 years, or sometimes longer, have been getting divorced. I can immediately identify with her concern because my parents contribute to the statistic of 45 to 50 percent of couples getting a divorce. At the end of the day you are making an eternal commitment to another, but with divorce as an option there is always a way out.

Now, every situation is different. Some couples should have never been married in the first place or some may have changed so drastically over the course of the marriage that it couldn’t possibly work. What about all the other couples that did love each other at one time and just gave up? I believe that a person’s parents and upbringing truly influence who you become. For example, if your parents fought constantly, you may have the tendency to fight with your significant other or if one of your parents have been married two, three or even four times, you may have the tendency to follow in their footsteps. Obviously, the chain of negativity can be broken with a conscious effort. After my friend brought it to my attention, I realized that people grow, but more often apart than together, which inevitably leads to divorce.

There are so many avenues to try to break the cycle and prevent the permanent separation. The obvious would be to seek counseling. From my perspective, the problem with counseling is normally only one person actually wants to go while the other is along for the ride. I am a firm believer in: if you don’t want to change, you never will.

Another suggestion would be to learn to cope with the daily stressors of a relationship. It is difficult to try to combine two people’s lives. Everyone does things differently, for example, he may like to come home from work and just relax rather than be immediately bombarded with nagging. Learning your partner’s quirks will make life much easier for both of you.

If you haven’t realized this already, doing something that constantly irritates your partner will take a toll on them and your relationship. Who wants to spend 15 or more years defending yourself? This behavior will lead to destruction every time. A great example is jealousy. If you have jealousy issues and you can’t rid yourself of the feelings, it could lead to cheating or even the demise of your relationship. Changing your behavior is hard to do; the first step is to admit that you could use some change. If you know me, this is the hardest step, but if you actually want your relationship or marriage to work, then small changes and some effort really go a long way.

Do you think married couples give up too easily? What steps do you suggest to make forever really mean, forever?

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It has always seemed that people want what they don’t have and about five years ago I wanted so badly to be loved. Reading over my journal entries, I realized the reason I was so unhappy and was not finding love was because I was constantly looking for it and I wasn’t comfortable with myself. I was so awkward during initial interactions with men and it must have been obvious to them that I was searching for love; in hindsight I might as well have been wearing a sandwich board saying, “I’m single and lonely and do whatever it takes for you to love me!”

It has been almost five years since that point and I have grown as a person to realize a few things, including what NOT to do in the beginning stages of a relationship if you want it to be successful. (These suggestions are directed primarily toward women, but men can follow too.)

First, do not act desperate. One thing I know about men is they love a chase. Keep a little mystery to you by not saying what is on your mind at that exact moment. For example, “What are you feeling right now?” is a bad question during the first few dates and I guarantee he will check out mentally right then and there.

Second, do not discuss your five or 10 year plan with him. On your third or fourth date do not lay out your life plans including marriage, kids and your life’s dream to be a soccer mom. When single men hear words like ‘marriage’ and ‘kids’ a state of panic sets in and if you decide to talk about these issues, I would not expect a call the next day.

Third, do not get wasted. This may throw some for a loop, but getting sloshed and throwing yourself at your perspective beau will shorten his chase. While, you may get laid that night and it would most likely be sloppy, embarrassing and hopefully forgettable, he won’t stick around to actual babysit your drunk ass next time.

Fourth, do not appear to be self conscious. After talking with a lot of men about love and sex, I have to tell you that if you hate your extra 10 pounds and make it known, it is a huge turn-off for men. If you are on a second or third date you are obviously not as repulsive as you think because he wanted to see you again (most likely naked too). Don’t wear something that makes you self conscious, men are attracted to confidence. This post about curvy women explains it perfectly.

Fifth and my most important suggestion, do not, for all things holy, sleep with him on the first four, five or even six dates. This relates to the chase: men will stay intrigued because they want to sleep with you. It is a depressing point, but during that non-sex phase he will actually get to know your personality. In my experience, men are extremely attracted to a girl who will not automatically put out, but still carries that sex appeal and a personality to boot. Keep the chase on ladies, the sex will be phenomenal after the tension has built up. An added bonus is the sex will be better when there are feelings involved.

There is no reason for women to act as desperate as I did in constantly searching for love. Become comfortable with yourself and follow my tips and it will lead to a man caring deeply for you in no time.

Have more suggestions about what not to do in the beginning stages of a relationship? Share in the comments below.

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I started thinking about the topic of opposites during a conversation I had recently with a friend. Some couples I know are very similar people, but others are polar opposites and somehow it fits. My concern is although opposites attract, do they always last?

In the first stages of dating, people tend to gravitate toward people they are attracted to and have something in common with. Commonalities are important when on the prowl because you can only stare at someone so long before you have to actually speak to them. I consider myself to be an outgoing and open person by nature, if my boyfriend was quiet and closed-minded there would be an obvious problem, but thankfully he is not.

Thinking through some of the men that have been interested in me over the years I’ve realized something, the vast majority of them were quiet and reserved. Quiet and reserved? Me? What in the world could these demure men see in the outgoing, loud red head? Some told me they see what they want to be and others said they may just want to be around someone fun. Regardless of their reasoning, I realized that I could be with someone quiet and reserved in the short-term, especially if the sex was great, but it would not cut the mustard so to speak in the long-term. So how do couples that are so different work?

My theory leads me to believe that one partner is more submissive, not in the S&M style, but will concede to the strong-willed partner. I have a close male friend who is almost identical in personality to me. We are both loud, talkative and always believe individually, we are right. Although we are close friends and could talk about anything, it would not work out romantically between us. In an argument, who would give-in first?

This brings me to the second portion of my theory in that people change themselves for love. I have seen so many people, women in particular, change who they are for the man they are with. A previous post I wrote addressed the downfalls of changing who you are for a relationship; this will only lead to failure and unhappiness. Why try to stuff a circle peg in a square hole? It will never fit no matter how hard you try.

You will know if you are similar to your potential partners within minutes of meeting them. What some forget to remember is there is much below the surface that would make you opposites including political views, money, class, education and other future decisions that are not on the forefront of your mind. Keep the lines of communication open, you would not want to be putting in your best effort to realize that you are just too different and this is not going to stick. My advice is dance to the beat of your own drum and you will eventually find someone with your same rhythm.

Do you believe opposites work or are they always destined for failure?

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